8 Badass Ways to Procrastinate

Let’s be truthful here: everyone procrastinates. There is no way that even Tony Robbins doesn’t procrastinate SOMETIMES. Unless he is a robot. Hmm…

Uh, anyway. I digress. My point is: YOU procrastinate, and so do I. But some ways to procrastinate are more badass than others. I think we can all agree that binging on Netflix and junk food is in the top 3 list of not-great ways to procrastinate (and is definitely precisely what I did on Friday when the new season of Voltron came out, because, well, it’s not procrastination if you do it on purpose, right?).

There must be a better way to spend your time when you’re wasting it, right? And by wasting, I mean not doing the thing you’re meant to be doing (aka your work).

1. Read

A book, not Donald Trump’s timeline. (BY THE WAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TIPS ON HOW TO GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF MY FEED? I DON’T EVEN FOLLOW HIM UGGGHHH BUT HE IS ALWAYS THERE.)

Um, yeah, anyway. Reading! It’s like the number one ultimate best way to procrastinate ever. But don’t procrastinate by trying to decide what to read. Just pick up a book and start it. Give it up at 10% if you’re not into it.

2. Write

Whaaaat? No way this counts as procrastinating, Marston! BUT IT DOES. Seriously, I am writing this blog post right now as a way to procrastinate. And by doing this I am putting off doing my ‘real’ work. It’s kind of weird, in a lovely brilliant way, but I find it so easy to sit down and just do it. And it means I can put off my bookkeeping even longer. Which is just a big win all-round, except for my bank balance maybe, but who really knows since I haven’t done my bookkeeping.

3. Masturbate

AM I JOKING? AM I NOT? No, I’m not. Come on, it’s fun. And healthy. And there’s only so long you can do it for, unlike Netflix.

4. Have sex

Haha, now I am kidding. Sex is way too time-consuming and you’ll probably have to hang out with somebody afterwards. That’s the rest of your day gone, buddy. Just complete step #3 instead.

5. DISHES!

Yeah, wash those dishes, you dirty bitch. If you’re going to procrastinate, might as well clean the house while you’re at it. Okay, so I know I said this was a list of badass ways to procrastinate, but whatever. Levi from Attack on Titan is a total clean freak AND he’s the most badass character, so I think I’ve made my point. Thanks, Levi. (I love you.)

6. Watch a documentary

Okay, okay, so you don’t like the rest of my list and still want to watch Netflix? FINE. But, I mean, if you’re going to be on Netflix anyway, you might as well learn something, alright?

7. Exercise

How much is this not looking like a list of ways to procrastinate right now? But I’m specifically talking about procrastinating on your work, okay? So exercise counts as something badass you can do instead of your work. For me, this is similar to my writing thing. If I still don’t want to start my work, I can do my daily exercise instead, since, again, that’s something I’ve committed to doing every day. I was going to create a separate bulletpoint for walking, but hey, walking is exercise too, right? It’s also a pretty fabulous way to clear your thoughts/have ideas, etc. Walk, run, yoga, sex (no, no, wait, don’t do that, it’s distracting), whatever. Exercise gives you a big thumbs up on your day.

8. Take a nap

I think we can all agree that naps are beautiful things, yes? And if the reason you’re procrastinating is because you’re tired as fuck/sleep deprived/hungover/whatever, get your PJs back on and climb into bed. This is a good one to do after #3, by the way. But uh, I’m guessing you knew that.

The good thing about all of these methods of procrastination is that they’re also likely to put you in the mood to do your actual work. Well, except maybe #3. But you can do #8 after #3 and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to get on with shit. So there you go. Procrastinate away, beauties. Sometimes it’s okay.

Get The Untamed Life, my guide to doing meaningful work online ⤸
Plus emails 2–3 times a month featuring:

  • My private tales of life & business
  • Links to my latest blog posts
  • Other good shit from the web
  • Subscriber-only deals
  • I only send awesome emails.